Q*bert, Guzzler, and Space Mountain (Othello Multivision, 1983)

PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: Tsukuda Original

DEVELOPER: Gottlieb (port by Tsukuda Original)

GENRE: Arcade

RELEASE DATE: 1983 (JP)

The popular foul-mouthed alien with pep in his step makes his way to the SG-1000 via the Othello Multivision. If you’ve played any other version of Q*bert, you know what to expect here: Q*bert hops from cube to cube on an isometric pyramid, changing each cube’s colors and avoiding creatures like the coiled snake and those little green jerks that change the cubes back to their original colors. Once each cube on the pyramid has changed colors, you move on to the next stage.

The isometric landscape was easy to navigate with a joystick in the arcade, but the problem with many of Q*bert’s home ports has been the botched controls (Q*bert wasn’t made for a D-pad). Not so with the SG-1000 port. Q*bert moves fluidly and quickly across the pyramid, so much so that the levels are often over before you realize it. I couldn’t imagine playing this with the Multivision’s wee joystick, but aside from that little snag (how many of us are going to purchase a Multivision or SG-1000 anyway?), Q*bert excels.

B

PLAYERS: 1

PUBLISHER: Tsukuda Original

DEVELOPER: Tehkan (port by Tsukuda Original)

GENRE: Arcade

RELEASE DATE: 1983 (JP)

In Guzzler, you play a water creature who has to douse fires around mazes to progress. When each level starts, you’ll see three different bonfires, some puddles, and the water creature swollen with liquid. Approach the bonfire, press ‘1,’ and water will spill out of the creature, putting out the fire completely. You can use your water attack three times before you’re depleted and have to refill yourself, either by walking through puddles or by just walking around the stage. Eventually, fire enemies will emerge from the bonfires and chase you. You can douse them too, but more will come until you put out all the fires.

Guzzler is a neat take on Pac-Man, but like so many SG-1000 arcade ports, there’s very little content to keep you satisfied in the long-term: three levels, and the game repeats with faster enemies. Repetition isn’t a problem for addictive titles like Sega Galaga or Pacar, but Guzzler‘s douse-and-run gameplay peters out faster than a poorly built fire. 

C

PLAYERS: 1-2 alternating

PUBLISHER/DEVELOPER: Tsukuda Original

GENRE: Shooter

RELEASE DATE: 1983 (JP)

Space Mountain is, without a doubt, the worst game I’ve played on the SG-1000. Imagine a shooter where you have little control over your space ship and enemy ships are quickly approaching. All you’re armed with is a slow double shot and a cursor that’s lodged firmly in the middle of the screen. If the oncoming enemy ships don’t line up perfectly with your cursor, you won’t destroy them and you better get out of their way. If the enemy ships even so much as fly near you, they’ll destroy your ship. You won’t be able to tell how they shot you, either, because it doesn’t look like the ships are firing at you when they fly by; only after you explode do you see a trail of red pixels/shots emerge from their vicinity. 

Supposedly, once you destroy enough spacecrafts, you enter an enemy base, but good luck getting to that point. The graphics are barely above Atari 2600 quality, the ship designs blatantly rip off “Star Wars,” the controls are busted, and the gameplay is beyond rudimentary, even for the SG-1000. Oh, that Space Mountain was based on the dark and painful Disneyland ride! Screw this unimaginative, poorly designed piece of horse crap.

F